As the epic Was (Not Was) song of 1987 implored us... "Open the door, get on the floor, everybody walk the dinosaur!" Priceless! As was Queen Latifah's 2009 cover version for Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs. Hopefully you now have "Boom boom, a-ka-laka-laka boom!" Bouncing around your head as today's ear-worm and my job is successfully done before morning tea.
Where is your scribe taking his stone tablet and chisel this time? Why, batteries and fossil fuels of course dear reader!
Fermented dinosaur juice has been a wonderful chemical for humanity in many ways. Not least the creation of the glorious long-playing record to which your scribe is still addicted. Coldplay have been leading the charge to records created from recycled and 'green' plastics, but the fact remains that 'Dino-juice' is required for the music industry to keep serving us the tunes we love in the traditional manner.
We have all types of plastic, synthetic textiles, fertilisers and pesticides, asphalt (hello every track surface on the planet), lubricants, pharmaceuticals (including aspirin, antiseptics, heart valves...!), cosmetics, household chemicals including adhesives and dyes. Why the list goes on and on. Our 'Dino-juice' addition is both wide and deep.
So why are we so concerned about how we generate the power to drive a race car around a track?
The Porsche Taycan Turbo GT boasts over 1,000HP (815kW) and can rocket from 0 to 100 kph (62 mph) in 2.2 seconds. Fettle that a tad, rip out everything but the driver's seat and apply some "track prep. essentials" and you'd get this below 2.0 secs. Then the Taycan would not look too slow on the current F1 grid! As set for the road it can hit 305 kph (190 mph) and currently has a tested 1/4 mile of 9.083 seconds. That dear reader is fast! All on a pile of batteries that would make Woody and Buzz proud.
It also handles and feels like a "real Porsche" quite whatever that means. It does not clip, super-clip, harvest or generally mess-da-driver-about in any annoying manner. It just delivers gushing rivers of power. The problem with season 2026 F1 cars is not the ICE, the energy recovery, or the battery, it is the foolish way the FIA, and to an extent the "sporting/entertainment intent" telegraphed from Liberty Media, that has resulted in proving the old maximum, "A camel is a horse built by committee". The Clowns in the White Tower have managed to cobble together individual elements which make solo-sense into a system which completely butchers the whole.
The simplest solution to this mess would be to rebalance harvesting and battery storage size such that high-speed corners are once again taken flat-out because harvesting and energy recovery can be successfully limited to braking zones and do not have to run through long flowing corners. Keep the silly boost buttons, press-to-pass buttons and the banana and oil slick buttons (That's right for season 2026 isn't it? V. Max said so...). They are not directly the problem. They can keep the TV-friendly fake multiple passes per lap, but at least drivers would actually be driving on the limit once more.
The Taycan is not dismissed as having a lack of power. Any dislike is based on only two points. First, there is no screaming ICE power plant. Second, recharging is still a hassle on a long road trip. It is no longer heavier than a similar sized Panamera. The range topping hybrid Panamera combines a mighty V8 with a modest battery to weigh 100Kg more than the Taycan, while having a higher top speed, and being 0.7 seconds slower 0-100kph. Taking note of the Taycan, the season 2026 F1 cars could be engineered to achieve the on-track equivalent of this towering performance.
The problem is the camel-of-a-horse that F1 and Liberty have designed to try and lure the manufacturers back into the game. A set of rules designed to make money, not deliver remarkable race machines. Do you, dear readers, remember the 1970's and 1980's? I think many of you do. The Cosworth DFV V8 in some seasons powered around 80% of the entire grid. Teams such as Lotus, McLaren, Tyrrell, Williams, Brabham, March, Surtees, Hesketh, Lola, Penske, Wolf and (phew!) Ligier all ran the Cosworth at some point. Did we see the FIA in a blind panic over the lack of extra manufacturers on the grid? Did we see teams and fans demanding more OEM engines on the grid? I think not. Get a DFV, build a fine chassis (not forgetting your Hewland gearbox - Ed) and get a driver with the fearless soul to drive it flat-out in places that should not be flat-out. Hello, yet another golden age of actual racing.
No. Liberty Media has the FIA in the palm of its hand. They want to make this a highly monetised sports franchise. Does anyone think Toto is looking at buying Alpine because of his love of 1920's Renaults? No. He knows the machine. He knows how it is minting fresh dollars faster than Ocean's Eleven in a fleet of Lamborghinis.
Other interested parties...? Mostly middle-East based. Mostly built on oil money. Mostly keen to delay the EV transition as long as possible. Saudi Armco is about as interested in killing the oil business as King Charles is in killing the House of Windsor (that is to say not at all for those not following that line of implication).
So, all interested parties want to make yet more money, see the value of franchises - sorry teams - continue to rise through the stratosphere and keep the public addicted to 'Dino-juice' as long as possible. Come on everybody! Do the Dinosaur!
So, the manufacturers did the only thing they could do. Force a bastard-child engine solution which half appeals to Saudi Aramco - it still needs juice in it, if not quite 'Dino-juice' - and appeases the public and fans who, in an effort to still have a planet to live on, want EVs everywhere, now. In short, a solution which completely pleases no one, including the drivers. Flip that. Everyone is equally irritated by the new rules for differing reasons.
A hybrid can be made to work as a race car. A full EV can be made to work as a race car. The FIA stuffed the balance. The technology and the physics is just fine if you balance it correctly. Ditching the turbo energy recovery was a silly move. That being the cheerfully named Motor Generator Unit - Heat (MGU-H) which used turbo heat to generate electricity. Then limiting the battery size was silly. Having such complex clipping and super clipping rules, and recovery dictates are all silly. The problem can be half solved this year by rule revisions, and fully addressed next season by allowing changes to the recovery approach, and the battery size. Sadly, the turbo energy recovery is not coming back in a hurry. That's a huge design and engineering change. I bet those that refused to entertain it are regretting it now.
Your scribe's garage? My car is 100% ICE, used for long runs here in the Australian rural/outback areas where you're not going to see a fast charge station for 1,001 miles. My wife's car is 100% EV. Perfect around town. Straits of Hormuz...? Whatever! So, as a family our transport system is hybrid. Why not have a hybrid vehicle each? Just ask McLaren. All the bad points of an ICE combined with all those of an EV, plus lots of software! What could possibly go wrong?
No. F1 is increasingly a money-making franchise operating for the hyper-wealthy, with sport, fans, and now drivers, an increasing set of after thoughts. So, rewinding my opening refrain of this tablet of stone. "Open the door, get on the floor, everybody walk the dinosaur!" Followed by a rousing round of "Boom boom, a-ka-laka-laka boom!" Embrace it dear reader, because I can assure you that the FIA, Liberty, and their oil-loving backers, all want you to continue to do the dinosaur!
...just please, don't blame the batteries. Miss Physics and the electrons know exactly how they'd make the season 2026 cars the fastest, most fun to drive in many a year. It's just the FIA and Liberty hear only the siren call of dollars, and never the wisdom of ages.
Max Noble
Learn more about Max and check out his previous features, here
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